Episode 8

07 - Piles & Smiles: Mum Groups

Blabbering: Babies!

Episode 7 - Baby, Boobs & Brutal Truths

Hold on tight, Blabber fans! Episode 7 is here to tickle your funny bone with a week full of baby-centric hilarity and heartwarming moments! Seven weeks in and the culinary highlight? A delectable vegan fake chicken tikka masala, a tasteful twist to our meal routine.

🌟 Baby Breath Banter and Chore Conundrums

In this episode, we're all about the little things, like Tilly's surprising fondness for the baby's sweet breath. Plus, we tackle the chaotic world of chore management with a newborn. How do two frazzled parents handle half the time they used to have? Join us for laughter and learning as we attempt to decode a functional system.

💪 Gym Giggles: Back in Action

We’re sharing the ups and downs of post-pregnancy fitness. Tune in for stories about returning to the gym, complete with awkward moments and unexpected joys. It's a mix of comedy and camaraderie that every new mom can relate to.


🤱 Baby Group Chronicles: Raw and Real

Dive deep into the unfiltered side of baby groups. From open discussions about piles to half the moms struggling with latches and the other half battling explosive diapers, it's an honest look at the realities of parenthood, no holds barred.


💩 Scat Chat - The Turmeric Turd Incident

Get ready for a tale that's hilariously horrifying! We recount a diaper disaster that turns into a turmeric-colored mess. Picture being splattered in baby poo and resorting to a hasty clean-up with just a baby wipe before a brief, restless nap. It’s a story that will have you both cringing and chuckling.


This week's episode is a rollercoaster ride of parenting highs and lows, filled with laughter, love, and a little bit of mess. We can't wait to hear your thoughts, so keep those ratings and comments coming! 🌟😂👶🍲

Transcript
Tilly:

Ooh,

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Dan 1: Welcome to week

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seven.

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Tilly: Yeah, seven.

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Dan 1: Week seven.

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Yeah.

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I'm looking

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forward to getting to the point

where we stop doing the baby's age

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in weeks and move on to months.

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Tilly: up.

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What?

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I

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Dan 1: start doing fractional

years and it could be obnoxious.

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What we got for, what

we got for lunch today.

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What

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Tilly: chicken tikka masala, chicken.

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Dan 1: we got into the chicken when

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Tilly: Eat curious.

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Shout out.

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Woop woop.

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And we've got it with brown rice

because we're healthy, aren't

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Dan 1: Alfie!

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Tilly: Healthy!

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And also whole grains

help me make more milk.

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She is

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Dan 1: factory going.

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Tilly: a hungry girl.

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Here you go, here you go.

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She wants to guzzle it down.

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Dan 1: Guzzle, guzzle, guzzle.

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Oh, I absolutely fucking hate

it when I get all my foods

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like, non mixed and they're

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Tilly: off.

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Piss

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Dan 1: to the dog, not to me.

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And they're meant to be things

that, you know, you mix.

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Because I, you know, I either try

and fit them all on a fork and

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shove them all in my mouth, and

then I can't get them all in there,

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Tilly: I can't get

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Dan 1: or I have to mix all my food,

and mixing food doesn't look great

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when you're like out at a restaurant or

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Tilly: my collection is like, I can't

express it So, it's Do you run a

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Dan 1: I would if I didn't think

I could get it all on a fork.

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The way

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a kosh pie is snacked,

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Tilly: a

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Dan 1: it's easy to just

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Tilly: So it's easy

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to just Yeah.

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dissect it.

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Dan 1: If

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it was like, for whatever reason,

decomposed, what's the word?

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Deconstructed.

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Decomposed.

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Tilly: I know.

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Dan 1: If it was deconstructed, I

would, yeah, I'd probably mash it.

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Tilly: I like to vary the different,

like, levels of things I've got,

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the different kinds of things.

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Maybe sometimes I want more rice

and a little bit of sauce, sometimes

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I want It really, saucy and you

know, maybe just pure sauce.

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Dan 1: Mmm.

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Tilly: just pure

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Dan 1: Nah.

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Nah.

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Tilly: palate.

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Nah.

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Nah.

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Okay.

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Well, it's

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Dan 1: In for a penny,

in for a pound, innit?

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I trust, I trust the chef's

got the ratios right.

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You know, back it.

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Tilly: the sauce.

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Mm hmm.

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Well,

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Dan 1: Have you?

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Tilly: on What you like,

doesn't it, really?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Dan 1: Mm hmm.

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I

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Tilly: Yeah.

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We've

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Dan 1: mean, you've got

it right, so that's good.

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Can mash

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Tilly: while, so I'm not

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Dan 1: Sometimes I'll just

mash parts and not all.

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Tilly: in the

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Dan 1: But I won't ever.

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If I know something's

meant to be combined,

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I will mix it.

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I find it irritating to try and like,

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Tilly: I will

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admit, I find it an irritation.

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Trying to get two people to

come up to the door first.

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I

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Dan 1: I was laughing at you

because you said, I like, I even

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like the smell of her breath.

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Tilly: I do, I think she's

got really nice breath.

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You don't get bad breath from

your baby, I don't think.

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Unless, maybe, when you're poorly.

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Dan 1: Maybe.

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Yeah.

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Tilly: But, yeah, she always smells,

it's almost a bit sweet, her breath.

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It's nice.

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Yeah, breathe on me.

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Dan 1: I won't lie, I haven't

tried to smell her breath.

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So I wouldn't be able

to tell you whether I

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Tilly: help her.

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Do

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Dan 1: do or don't like her breath.

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Tilly: you will.

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Yeah, now, I'll have

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Dan 1: Yeah, now

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I'll have a little smell and

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be able to tell you, is it for me or not.

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Tilly: I think you'll like it.

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If you like her head and stuff,

I think you'll like her breasts.

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Hmm?

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I don't think so.

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Well, I guess we'll talk

about this next week, then.

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So, my

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Dan 1: Well, I guess what's

happened this week then.

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So,

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my work's been pretty manic.

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Tilly: I've been a joiner.

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I've been a

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Dan 1: you've been going to different

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Tilly: one group.

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Dan 1: Been enjoying it.

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And,

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Tilly: Had both our six week check ups.

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Yep.

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Doctor's visit,

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Dan 1: There's something else.

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I've had lots of family

and friends around as well.

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Tilly: Yep.

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Met your great grandparents.

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Yeah,

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Dan 1: Yeah.

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Tilly: Which was nice, wasn't it?

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They're well excited to meet her.

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They

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But yeah, back to, we had our six

week checks, the doctor and the

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health visitor, all gravy, she's

put on weight, still not massively

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heavy, she's still just below

average, which is very long.

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Dan 1: yeah, I'm very

excited, very excited.

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Because

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Tilly: but Yeah, all went well.

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Ruth got signed off, she

said I can get back to gym.

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Cheers.

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I'm very excited.

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I'm

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Dan 1: My

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Tilly: that's been pelvic floor,

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Dan 1: my first pelvic floor,

I can't activate my pelvic

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floor, There was a challenge

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Tilly: how to activate my pelvic floor.

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Because obviously it's just

short pieces and your abs

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aren't quite back together yet.

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So we've

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Dan 1: telepathic, so,

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Tilly: figured out how

to engage them again.

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So it doesn't really

look like I'm doing much.

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I'm sort of doing lots

of that breath work.

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Dan 1: about breast work, and then

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not breaking

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Tilly: and then leaving.

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Dan 1: tomorrow.

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Tilly: So I'm not breaking a

sweat, but coming tomorrow.

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I'm actually going to start

shifting some weights.

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Which I'm really looking forward to.

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But I've really enjoyed it, just

getting out first thing in the morning,

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and spending that hour in the gym.

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by myself, for myself.

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Yeah,

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this

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Dan 1: is something that we need to speak

about and something that we definitely

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should have done and haven't done and

maybe we'll try and do is this element

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of, you know, previously there was stuff

that I should have done that I didn't

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do that I could get away with not doing

in terms of chores and stuff like that.

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Tilly: Yeah.

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Dan 1: Now, I feel like the list is just

kind of unsurmountable in that the list is

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definitely longer than the time that

I've got, because when you actually

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consider all the sort of stuff like

researching how to make sure that she's

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developing

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and growing and, you know, all these

sorts of factors while also trying to

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do all the sort of chores to keep the

place clean, tidy and helpful for you.

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And then also do my work, which currently

is, you know, longer than usual.

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And,

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then also just actually

have some R& R for me.

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just, you know, if I was to

actually try and do it all, it would

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definitely be 30 hours and that's

obviously not gonna work in a day.

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And so It's kind of having that

conversation between the two of

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you of, of coming to the table

and saying, this is my prioritized

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list of needs, wants, and likes.

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Tilly: Yeah.

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This is your prioritised

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Dan 1: list.

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Now let's look at each other's

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agree on a

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Tilly: on a fine list.

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find

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Dan 1: things are on the sheet that

you're meant to do that you may be

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are only in your life, but there,

you know, they would be in my one.

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So we can come

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Tilly: up with a joint

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Dan 1: list.

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Tilly: Yeah.

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and that's it.

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Dan 1: do.

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Cause I guess you've

kind of done it with Jim.

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You said Jim is incredibly important.

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I need to get to the gym.

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I want to go every morning.

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Tilly: That's sort of my one

thing I built into each day.

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Dan 1: And so that's, that's resulted

in me kind of adapting my day.

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So that, you know, you'll wake up

cause I I'm sleeping during the morning

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because you sleep evening as it were.

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Cause we're still doing a sort of

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Tilly: I think this all come become

easy when we stop doing that.

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I think, you know, we're gonna

try out this coming weekend.

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Dan 1: Yeah.

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Well, yeah, cause we weren't

12 hours of sleep window.

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Cause currently

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you sleep eight till two.

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And then I sleep kind of like

effectively three till eight.

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Cause

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Tilly: means I could like go zoom earlier.

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Yeah.

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So I could leave the gym at six.

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Yeah.

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And that means I'm back by half seven.

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Dan 1: Because currently you're waking up

at like seven or half six, kind of give

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me baby and then be, be off to the gym.

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And then I have to kind of come

down, get fatty ready for a walk,

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go out, come and walk with him.

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And I guess I need to work out

kind of what things are my things

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and what things are our things.

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And also I had a really

good conversation with.

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One of my colleagues from work, just

kind of discussing the fact that

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Tilly: I might sit around the area

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Dan 1: that you just kind

of have to suffer through it

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and he sort of discussed the fact

that no, you've got, it's not

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going to be sunshine and roses,

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Tilly: time all the

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Dan 1: all the time,

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Tilly: need

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to find a thing,

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some things

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Dan 1: that you do just for you that

you'll enjoy, but also some things

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that you're going to do with baby, just

you and baby that you enjoy together.

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Tilly: And

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Dan 1: he was sort of saying that

for him it used to be sometimes

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when his baby was a

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Tilly: go

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to the pool and You know, he's kidding,

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Dan 1: scream at him the whole hour.

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Tilly: is like, I'm going to enjoy this

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Dan 1: matter what.

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Tilly: And just to make it, you know,

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Dan 1: have his dragon

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Tilly: to the pool,

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Dan 1: him in.

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He wants him in the water, it's fine,

but like 20 minutes or whatever, and

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it's those sorts of

things I need to find out.

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Tilly: And I guess I need to work out

what's the thing that I do with her.

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Dan 1: Yeah, so I think, yeah, we need to,

we need to try and talk about that list.

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And that list is going to include

things not just what you want to do,

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but also what is currently on your list.

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And things like, for example,

hoovering was my job, purposely

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bought a robot vacuum, because I

knew I wasn't going to do it enough.

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And I then need to have the

discipline to make sure that I

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So it does actually do the

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job,

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job

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Tilly: Which is

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Dan 1: something that I haven't

been doing and stuff like that.

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So,

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sort of a realignment chores and I

think, and then put it on your whiteboard

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one like you've you've

done like, and, you know,

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have split out who's like

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recurring not, et cetera.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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No, I agree.

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In that no way.

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It's all explicit and

there's no time, problem.

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Yeah.

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like if no one, and we'd go

like, we very rarely argue about

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anything because we tend to feel.

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Guilty that we haven't done the thing

that the other person is annoyed about

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and that'll double down when it's actually

on the whiteboard and you go, well look

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it's on the whiteboard but I'm I'm just

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angry I'm just angry

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with you, leave me alone.

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Tilly: Yeah

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well, yeah, that goes both ways, but I

think for the, yeah, for the morning.

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So things, you need your

morning checklist almost.

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So, I guess, I guess that's where you drop

the dishwasher and that would make it,

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Dan 1: Bit.

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Tilly: tasks.

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Dan 1: Oh yeah, 100%,

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Tilly: That's what I do

when I'm running kitchens.

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I have daily cleaning schedules,

weekly cleaning schedules,

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monthly cleaning schedules.

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Dan 1: Write me a checklist, do

your SOPs, treat me like a little

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skiving

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Tilly: mean, a

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Dan 1: chef,

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Tilly: kitchen bible that

we want, a house bible.

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But yeah, I do think we need to make sure

we're getting things down, so we've got

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various other things that help keep us

our head straight, because I've absolutely

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loved being a mum and all this, but

obviously it's very all encompassing.

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Dan 1: But we also need to put on

things there that we want to do

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Tilly: as a unit,

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Dan 1: as a unit,

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like the three or four

including the dog in some cases.

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And then just as me and you, so it's like,

it becomes a real matrix of kind of try

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and craft your ideal life in terms of what

are the things that you need to just do

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because you enjoy it for your own health.

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And then.

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What are the things that you need to

do for, like, the household and the

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family that kind of must be done?

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And then, you know, how do you support

your partner in doing their things?

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And then, how do you also do

you and your partner together?

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And how do you do you and

your partner and your baby?

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So you could, just,

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Tilly: It's a juggling act, and I

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think it's going to take a while to get

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there.

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it definitely is.

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Dan 1: that, you know,

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Tilly: act.

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Dan 1: thing that's the problem nowadays

is that everyone, just including myself

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here, wants that convenient solution

and doesn't really accept that it's

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got to be a very deliberate action.

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You've got, we've got

to sit down and actually

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do something about it.

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Whereas I just want to bitch

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it.

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Alright then, so what are

your highs, lows, and funnies?

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Sorry, I'm just trying to

get ahead on the poo chat.

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Because every week I forget

that I need to find one.

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Tilly: think I.

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Do you want to go first

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Dan 1: I think I'll go first.

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So highs, it's definitely been

enjoyable seeing, like, My, my

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grandma and my, my grandparents and

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family kind of

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Tilly: another generation.

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Mm.

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That's been

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Dan 1: in having like another generation.

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That's been very nice.

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anD seeing how much it

kind of means to them.

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Cause you always spend

this whole time, you like,

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their

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I'll say it wears off.

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It just very quickly becomes part of your

life and there are enjoyable moments.

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something you, were doing sense,

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you don't.

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whereas when

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see other people interacting

with your child, it's going to

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make you go pause and reflect.

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And you kind of go, Oh

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Tilly: yeah,

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Dan 1: this is magical.

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This is amazing.

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Whereas kind of a lot of the time

you're just kind of like, okay,

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this thing, that thing, next thing.

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And

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you don't have as many of those.

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You do have those magical moments, but

you don't have them as often because

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you're not able to take

a step back as much.

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very One time I

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my grandparents over this

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Tilly: going to

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Dan 1: yeah,

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Tilly: called

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Dan 1: we keep calling the dog

Batty, and Grandmum is hurt

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and decides it's called Batty.

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Now I hope I don't get

cancelled, because I know

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Tilly: are you saying?

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What the fuck are

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Dan 1: used as a gay slur!

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I've

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Tilly: why I was

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going with it, I didn't want to

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Dan 1: going with it!

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Now I'm going to use the

gay slur to try and clear my

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name, but it'll make it worse!

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Tilly: make it all work.

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I'm not using it as a case to

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Dan 1: slur, I'm just saying that was the

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Tilly: mis hearing of

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what I'm

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Dan 1: I turn

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that up but now my grandma

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calls him batty so that's now his name

405

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for my grandma.

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Now if this is one of yours I'll

stop but I was gonna say I quite like

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watching this for the followers now.

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Tilly: Oh, it doesn't matter,

we can have a joint one.

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Yeah, fine.

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Dan 1: I

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think she recognizes you a lot

more than she recognizes me because

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Tilly: the food train.

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Dan 1: lot more time looking at you

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and secondly you obviously spend a

lot more time with her because now

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I'm back at work and stuff like that.

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But, like, if it's only me in the room,

if you're out the room, someone else

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:

has it, she'll still spend a lot of

time, like, tracing me around the room.

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And it's just nice to want to be loved!

419

:

No, but it is, it is, yeah.

420

:

And that's the thing, for the

first two weeks it does, well not

421

:

two weeks, but for the earlier

422

:

part.

423

:

mean,

424

:

I've

425

:

said this and it doesn't sound that

great, but it does feel a bit like

426

:

having a Tamagotchi on hard mode.

427

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It's kind of just, it does feel a

bit like, just do this thing, do that

428

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thing, feed it, change it, keep it

429

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light.

430

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And it like,

431

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a bit more like, oh,

actually this is, you know,

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know,

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it, you know, the baby recognizes me.

434

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, Tilly: it's like, you're

the important person,

435

:

Dan 1: sounds very self

436

:

Tilly: explanatory, so

437

:

Dan 1: self interested, but

to a degree it is, because

438

:

I'm doing all this,

439

:

Tilly: don't know

440

:

Dan 1: you know, I hope you

realise who I am by now.

441

:

Tilly: able to smile.

442

:

Because you love them so much,

443

:

Dan 1: good.

444

:

Tilly: you want that to be reciprocated.

445

:

You like, you know, am I important to you?

446

:

Like, you answered me.

447

:

Yeah,

448

:

I agree with you.

449

:

I also like the fact that

she smiles back at us now.

450

:

So like when you smile at her.

451

:

She'll, like,

452

:

smile back at you sometimes, and she'll,

when she makes eye contact with you,

453

:

like, you can probably have, like,

communication through your faces now.

454

:

yeah,

455

:

That's really nice.

456

:

Dan 1: she smiles at me more with her

eyes than she does like fully, like

457

:

I can see sometimes she'll be moving

her mouth in a kind of smiley way,

458

:

but I haven't got like, I rarely

get the full, the full smiles.

459

:

I think you've got a few of, I

think that's also to do with fact

460

:

that you've obviously smiled at

461

:

bit more

462

:

Tilly: I

463

:

also deliberately smile at her.

464

:

And you smile at

465

:

Dan 1: in general,

466

:

Tilly: do,

467

:

Dan 1: whereas I spend most of

my time with her at like between

468

:

the hours of 8:00 PM and two,

469

:

2:00 AM So that might not

necessarily be my most,

470

:

Tilly: smile at her.

471

:

No, I think you just have

to be deliberate in them.

472

:

Like, I'm deliberately

smiling at her to get a smile.

473

:

I'm absolutely manipulating the

474

:

Dan 1: I was

475

:

Tilly: Like I'm sticking out my tongue,

she sticks out her tongue, because

476

:

that's good for development as well.

477

:

yeah,

478

:

So,

479

:

Dan 1: Like, I knew, you

480

:

Tilly: so

481

:

Dan 1: people, but

482

:

Tilly: yeah, that was a big high.

483

:

I think the other high was, like I

said, the bump and baby group this week.

484

:

That was my first sort of group I've done.

485

:

Since she's been born, it's kind of nice

to get more involved in the outside world.

486

:

You know, for the first while you

are quite cocooned, aren't you?

487

:

You're quite insular.

488

:

People come to see you and that's

lovely, but you're not, you might

489

:

go for walks, but you're not

really, you know, interacting

490

:

with the outside world very much.

491

:

I think that's just how it is.

492

:

But now we're getting to the stage where

I am interacting with the outside world

493

:

and becoming more involved, you know.

494

:

I've already met people and it's

lovely meeting other mums and their

495

:

babies, you know, talking about how

it's going, the struggles you're

496

:

having, what's nice, what's hard.

497

:

life and, you know, and it's nice to be

sort of brutally honest with each other,

498

:

you know, one woman was talking about

499

:

our piles which I hope is not too

much TMI, we're like, absolutely

500

:

not, bring em on, all the pile chat,

501

:

because That's the reality.

502

:

of it and it's lovely to be able to

share that with someone and not be like

503

:

self conscious about it, or uncomfortable,

because you're all just like, fuck

504

:

it, we've all gone through this.

505

:

I really enjoyed that on Tuesday, and

I'm going to start going every weekend.

506

:

There's other group, groups that I want

to join, things like, you know, Massage

507

:

and Sensory, and I walked over to our

local library, which is, really sweet,

508

:

and they actually host some classes there.

509

:

So when she's older I can take her

to a craft group, or board games,

510

:

if she's inclined for board games.

511

:

Which I'm going to go to

with my mum and my niece next

512

:

Friday, which will be lovely.

513

:

And I was also off on time with the

mums and talking about, you know, our

514

:

days, and you know, our partners going

back to work and things like that.

515

:

We the house at least once a

day, go for a walk or something.

516

:

And I know that we all did that,

but no one does it with anyone else.

517

:

And I was like,

518

:

it can get quite lonely, I imagine,

519

:

know,

520

:

You know, being at home.

521

:

And I'm okay if you're all working

from home three days out of five.

522

:

So

523

:

actually, I'm not, I'm only by myself

with her two days a week, so it

524

:

doesn't get that lonely.

525

:

Like I said, it can feel

quite isolating and lonely.

526

:

I was like, well, if we're all going

for walks, why don't we do it together?

527

:

So I'm looking

528

:

to hopefully start a parent walk group.

529

:

I wanted to say mommy walker,

but it could be dad's, I don't

530

:

know, whatever, you know.

531

:

And so then we all go for walks and

stuff, just have a group WhatsApp and

532

:

be like, okay, today we're going to

go to X park or whatever, meet you

533

:

there at 11, you can get a coffee,

just have a little chat and a walk.

534

:

And you can go somewhere, there's

no pressure, but it's just,

535

:

then if you want.

536

:

some coffee that day.

537

:

You can just go and have a little

stroll to the house and have a little

538

:

Dan 1: And I think that's nice because a

lot of the time you feel like trying to

539

:

socialize can be quite hard because you've

got this barrier, this hurdle of kind of

540

:

having a child there in terms of you've

got to get them ready to get out the door.

541

:

You've got to get,

542

:

them.

543

:

What if they cry?

544

:

What if they need changing?

545

:

What if they need feeding?

546

:

What if they need?

547

:

You've got to try and do all these

548

:

things.

549

:

A social setting.

550

:

I think a find it very

overwhelming because if you're

551

:

socializing with other mums.

552

:

it's

553

:

all pure understanding.

554

:

It's

555

:

like, okay, we've

556

:

kind

557

:

got to stop walking so I can

change my baby on this bench

558

:

in the middle of the park.

559

:

same.

560

:

Yeah, fine,

561

:

Tilly: Well, it's like the group,

like, we're all just sat chatting

562

:

with our baps out waiting for the

baby to latch, and we're not too self

563

:

conscious about it, don't matter.

564

:

So what?

565

:

Some of us have babies on the

floor, some of have got shits on and

566

:

we're whatever, cool, don't care.

567

:

But, you know, we're quite lucky,

we'll go most places with them, and we

568

:

don't feel too self conscious about it.

569

:

think you're, you get worried

because you hate the idea of

570

:

being an inconvenience, you?

571

:

You out by you.

572

:

And I think that probably

weighs more on you

573

:

than it does on me.

574

:

I don't

575

:

Dan 1: noticed a time?

576

:

I've

577

:

Tilly: think it's been an opportunity

to have that, but I feel like, you

578

:

know, if you were to go and see your

boys and you were like, but you could

579

:

only go if you brought Moonbeam.

580

:

I forgot what I was saying there,

but yeah, I think you would be

581

:

more likely to feel that way.

582

:

Dan 1: I think it depends

on what point she is.

583

:

Like, I'm completely happy to kind of go.

584

:

I'd be happy to go out with my,

with my boys, with Moonbeam.

585

:

If I got to the point that I

knew that I could, a better

586

:

degree of self sufficiency, and it

obviously depends on what we're doing.

587

:

Cause most of

588

:

the time when I'm with my boys,

I quite like the, the rather

589

:

reckless elements of it all.

590

:

Like, let's just hire a boat.

591

:

And then who

592

:

Tilly: yeah, but there's going

593

:

to be a lot less of that

as you get older now.

594

:

Dan 1: There'll still be the,

the annual, the annual retreat

595

:

Tilly: the annual treat for

596

:

Dan 1: retreat of

597

:

recklessness

598

:

Tilly: Yeah, you need that.

599

:

You need to have a,

like, a blowout weekend.

600

:

Dan 1: where multiple of us will

always come out with come back injured.

601

:

Tilly: You always

602

:

Dan 1: I didn't this

603

:

Tilly: didn't this time, Pretty bruised,

and so you feel like cruises and cuts and

604

:

things.

605

:

Yeah.

606

:

But nothing

607

:

Dan 1: Will's still been

bitching about his shoulder.

608

:

Tilly: you've got to

have a blowout period.

609

:

Dan 1: Guess my low, my low is probably

610

:

it's

611

:

this, this kind of

612

:

kind of

613

:

trifecta

614

:

of my jaw hurting all the time,

because I'm clenching all the

615

:

time, because I'm stressed.

616

:

About lots of things of which having

to kind of balance currently being

617

:

on a very demanding engagement

618

:

also

619

:

one of these new throws of parenting

620

:

and it,

621

:

be frank, my job

622

:

jaw was kind of clenched.

623

:

Well, I was clenching a

lot more even before that.

624

:

I think that's,

625

:

that.

626

:

I

627

:

I don't know, I

628

:

know, I guess

629

:

Tilly: I mean,

630

:

Dan 1: having a lot higher

degree of underlying stress.

631

:

that I not fortunate

632

:

in that the dreams have gone.

633

:

I don't know if any of

634

:

I'm very happy that the nightmares

of losing the baby in the sheets

635

:

was in

636

:

and her suffocating have gone.

637

:

Because she used to wake up clambering

around the bed and used to just laugh at

638

:

used to be just

639

:

You just laugh.

640

:

laugh.

641

:

Tilly: I did, I did sometimes.

642

:

I used to come for you, I used

to make sure you were okay.

643

:

And then I'd have a little good go.

644

:

Dan 1: So I'm very happy those

645

:

have gone.

646

:

They've been replaced though with the fact

that I now just clench my jaw in my sleep

647

:

and wake up with a very, with a sore jaw.

648

:

And then combined with

that is the fact that,

649

:

yeah, currently I'll be

kind of working quite a lot.

650

:

I'll just do my sort of,

651

:

my hours during the actual working day.

652

:

Then kind of be with you and

Moonbeam in the evening, and

653

:

then when you go off to bed,

654

:

Moonbeam

655

:

move to I'll then

656

:

work during

657

:

the night shift.

658

:

that means I'll be

659

:

end up working

660

:

Like literally maybe from

11 until two or something.

661

:

So that's been quite tiring.

662

:

Cause realistically I should

try and catch a little naps

663

:

on the, on the sofa or on the

664

:

armchair.

665

:

Tilly: And hopefully once this

project's calmed down right away then.

666

:

Dan 1: Yeah.

667

:

And I've got to accept also that this is

kind of something that I've chosen to do.

668

:

Like I could just turn around and

kind of say it's not possible.

669

:

I mean, I kind of originally did

and then said that it was, and now

670

:

I can feel like I can have to and

you know, there's a lesson in that.

671

:

Tilly: Yeah, so

672

:

Dan 1: So I guess that kind of

trifecta of items that the jaw.

673

:

The stress, the, the, the work that

we're currently, it just feels like

674

:

an awful lot, but it, it, it doesn't,

675

:

but clear of a

676

:

like the project will end.

677

:

What I need to get better at

doing is just also managing

678

:

my own stress so that I'm not

679

:

collecting so much more stress.

680

:

But you were saying you were

doing it as well, weren't you?

681

:

Tilly: to close my jaw a bit.

682

:

I definitely feel myself doing it

like, when I'm in sleep, and then

683

:

I'm like, oh, why am I doing that?

684

:

Dan 1: just was sort of like,

685

:

Tilly: do sometimes, Yeah.

686

:

I think part of it, for me, is for

when, for so long, until literally this

687

:

past week, breastfeeding was really

painful for me, most of the time.

688

:

But actually, for most of the

time, I was just feeling, like,

689

:

sort of, like, quite tense.

690

:

Yeah.

691

:

Like, being, like, sort of, like,

tensing my jaw, and tensing my body.

692

:

So I was like, oh, god, it's, you know,

I don't want to stop because she needs

693

:

the food, but it's fucking painful.

694

:

I think my body's still

quite in that mode.

695

:

I Still,

696

:

tend to do it when she's

feeding me when it's not sore.

697

:

I'm like, tensing?

698

:

This is funny.

699

:

but yeah,

700

:

I definitely, yeah, I felt that

was like tensing my jaw and stuff.

701

:

is that, Is

702

:

that,

703

:

is that.

704

:

your load?

705

:

Dan 1: Yeah, I think so, yeah.

706

:

Tilly: I'd say it was my little,

I'd say I had a pretty, I think

707

:

generally I had a pretty good week.

708

:

You know, I think,

709

:

especially the latter half of the

week when I was starting to get

710

:

to terms with like building it up

to that little bit of structure.

711

:

Like my days have fairly

little structure because,

712

:

you know, I get the things I want

to get done, but the large part

713

:

is ruled by her, which is fine.

714

:

but having that little bit of structure

in the morning massively helps

715

:

because I'm a massive person of structure.

716

:

So that's been really good this week.

717

:

But I guess

718

:

you know, I think

719

:

I struggle when I see you

720

:

struggling

721

:

with it all.

722

:

Yeah.

723

:

Dan 1: Yeah.

724

:

So, you

725

:

Tilly: you know, because if you're

someone, and you know, the first

726

:

thing is, you can quite easily

get into a quite negative mindset,

727

:

and that's your natural way

of being, and you're fully

728

:

aware of that, and you, and you

729

:

try and fight that, and it's fine.

730

:

So it means things like, you know, when

you are stressed, and things are piling up

731

:

a bit, or you're tired, you quite easily

732

:

go down a negative, like, tunnel,

whatever, and you just keep going

733

:

deeper and deeper and deeper, you

know, you go down the rabbit hole.

734

:

Dan 1: Yeah.

735

:

Tilly: yOu know, I don't, and you know,

I don't like seeing you like that,

736

:

but I also think it's

737

:

there's not always much I can do like,

we can try and talk about it, and I can.

738

:

Do what I can to try and support you,

but I also, I, I also have to accept the

739

:

fact that that is you, is part of you,

740

:

and it's a journey.

741

:

You, you are going on and you've got to go

on, you've got to work through it and do

742

:

your, I, I need to not, not be invested.

743

:

My husband, we've always be invested

in how you feel and want to support

744

:

you, but I guess not feel it.

745

:

So personally, I don't know.

746

:

Dan 1: mean,

747

:

it's like this kind of thing, like

just there, there'll be one thing that

748

:

I know links to one thing that links

to another thing that links to it.

749

:

And so they're very rarely an issue,

750

:

there's

751

:

kind

752

:

kind of a temporary downward spiral.

753

:

And I, I do it

754

:

actually from a practical perspective

and also from an emotional

755

:

perspective to a degree it,

756

:

that needs to be solved

that will solve this.

757

:

and it's going down the road.

758

:

What's bad, what's

759

:

and then, okay, so this,

760

:

this is

761

:

the thing

762

:

that that I'm mostly sold, but that also,

763

:

be very about trends, and it create bit a,

764

:

it does make feel negative.

765

:

Tilly: Yeah, you the thing

that I struggle with is

766

:

that, and this is more, I

think, probably more my issue

767

:

than yours, is that I want you to

768

:

be having a job.

769

:

I don't want to be having a job, I

770

:

be having joy in this time and hopefully

where this isn't that fun a lot of time

771

:

I'm saying like it's very much like you

need to feed her make sure she's got

772

:

clean nothing and sleeping You know and

also give her love but it's it's very

773

:

sort of like It's neat based, isn't it?

774

:

It's clearly like basic neat

That's what you're fulfilling.

775

:

I'm like, that's why it's

been so lovely about her now.

776

:

It's time to engage but if you

see you're saying that, you know,

777

:

you're not really enjoying it right

now Well, like not a good time in

778

:

life, you know, there's something

we've wanted for such a long time

779

:

I'm sure that's what we'll talk

in this podcast about our journey

780

:

I'm making my little movie.

781

:

but yeah, because it, I guess, you know,

it's something we've wanted and we've been

782

:

prepared for and we chose to have her.

783

:

I'm someone.

784

:

We have very different mindsets,

785

:

on what I thought I'd like to do.

786

:

Yeah, I'm just, I'm just,

I'm just sort of going

787

:

I'm sort of going, well, why

can't you see the good in this?

788

:

And you're, and you're, and you're,

and you're going, well, you know,

789

:

I don't see what or why I need to.

790

:

Dan 1: It's not just that,

it's that you, you have

791

:

An amazing

792

:

ability

793

:

to work out how to make

something good, be that

794

:

look

795

:

at it from a different perspective, look

at it across a different time period, look

796

:

at it from always really trying to find

797

:

the good in something.

798

:

I mean, I personally don't

799

:

like the idea of labeling

things good and bad as well.

800

:

I just

801

:

get on with what the action

they are and be in that moment,

802

:

be it, you know, however it

803

:

it is.

804

:

The things kind of just are, and

if you find joy in it, enjoy it.

805

:

And if you don't, if you know,

806

:

know,

807

:

not, it's not, great, try and solve

whatever the problem is and then find

808

:

the next thing that you find joy in.

809

:

But I

810

:

think it's better, to, least

811

:

if you're going to

812

:

to recognize that you're

813

:

bad, be better at making things good

814

:

you're than ending up

815

:

constantly bad, which I which

816

:

can be

817

:

guilty of.

818

:

of.

819

:

But for example, like when you're not,

820

:

when something, you're going

through of unenjoyment, you

821

:

actually think about that

822

:

period.

823

:

period You

824

:

think relative what you've

had do to get there,

825

:

Which I don't think a lot people do.

826

:

lot of

827

:

people are

828

:

caught up in

829

:

that moment

830

:

going, well, this is a bit

831

:

shit.

832

:

you,

833

:

this isn't great, but I'm so glad

to be where I am, given where I was.

834

:

Tilly: Yeah, that's, that is exactly it.

835

:

You know, like I said, bringing it

back to the breastfeeding, when I've

836

:

been sat there and it's been like,

sometimes it's been excruciating.

837

:

Like it's been like, you

know, I wanted to cry.

838

:

Yeah.

839

:

And I've gone, oh God, you know, and

you know, part of me wants to go, fuck

840

:

this, just give a formula, and that's

fine, you do want to do that, but it's

841

:

not what I've wanted to choose to do.

842

:

And being like, you know, sort of finding

it hard to see the point in it, and

843

:

like, it's just going, well, actually,

like the way I look at it, like you

844

:

said, is that I'm so blessed, actually.

845

:

Dan 1: It's not, it's not zoom

out perspective that I struggle

846

:

Tilly: to be going through this pain.

847

:

Actually that's a blessing because that

means that I've have a beautiful daughter

848

:

and you know, there times, well, we, we

didn't know if we were gonna have that.

849

:

Dan 1: Yeah.

850

:

Yeah.

851

:

It's, it's that ability to zoom in

and out of perspective as is made

852

:

official to you, which is something

that I'm not good at and can very

853

:

quickly latch onto the negative and

854

:

follow.

855

:

the trail of negativity as well.

856

:

Ugh, well, what's your funnies been?

857

:

I don't know if I had

858

:

Tilly: Let's see.

859

:

Dan 1: I guess one of them was, it's

not really directly her, but how grandma

860

:

absolutely loved having the baby the whole

861

:

Tilly: Yeah.

862

:

And my grandpa's like, oh

863

:

Dan 1: Yeah.

864

:

I'd like to hold her.

865

:

And

866

:

then,

867

:

And Moonbeam just suddenly decides

she's going to start crying.

868

:

And then he's like, okay, enough.

869

:

weapon, and he's like, let me know

870

:

what's up.

871

:

I'm just

872

:

this

873

:

going

874

:

Tilly: Yes, and

875

:

she's still crying.

876

:

I was like, what do you want?

877

:

And

878

:

Dan 1: no, it

879

:

I've done my time.

880

:

like, OK.

881

:

I've done that.

882

:

hold.

883

:

Didn't work.

884

:

I'll try again in a few

885

:

Months

886

:

time when she's maybe

chilled out a bit more.

887

:

Tilly: No.

888

:

It's not really funny but

I do enjoy that she snores.

889

:

baby snoring really funny.

890

:

Notice

891

:

how it snores.

892

:

Dan 1: No, does she?

893

:

Tilly: Particularly when

she's in the carrier.

894

:

I've just got her face

895

:

Dan 1: Yeah, I have read that.

896

:

But it more just that.

897

:

She can't breathe properly, I think.

898

:

Tilly: Funny.

899

:

She just presses

900

:

Dan 1: Because she just

presses her face into you.

901

:

It's not that we're doing something.

902

:

She loves trying to get her face

into your chest as much as possible.

903

:

And then she's like having to

blow bubbles through your skin.

904

:

Tilly: When she, like, when we're

sleeping in bed because sleeping,

905

:

she's sleeping next to me in the bed.

906

:

She probably into my

907

:

Dan 1: Yeah, she does that to

me when she's in the carrier.

908

:

Tilly: armpit.

909

:

Dan 1: Oh, yeah.

910

:

Taste.

911

:

I'm

912

:

,

Tilly: she was absolutely very into it, and I'm like, I'm pretty sure, because

913

:

you get quite sweaty, it's part, it's

one part of the joyful postpartum

914

:

journey, so you get quite, I think

you get night sweats, you've seen it.

915

:

you know, you come in and really

moist, yeah, so I'm going to

916

:

be dripping sweat on her face.

917

:

Maybe that's what she's like

when she comes back to you.

918

:

Some sort of Yes.

919

:

Dan 1: yeah, sweaty and damp and,

920

:

I don't really have that when I

921

:

Tilly: your intro.

922

:

We can

923

:

Dan 1: of liquids all over

924

:

Tilly: I've got to try if anyone

listens to this and they work for

925

:

Lidl, we'd love to be sponsored by Lidl

because we use all of their nappies.

926

:

And maybe

927

:

Dan 1: Loopy loo loo, loo

928

:

Tilly: loo Lippie loo loo,

929

:

I was about to drink her milk then.

930

:

I really do feel the urge every

time I meet her to give her some.

931

:

Yeah.

932

:

I just want

933

:

to instinctively shove Yeah.

934

:

it in her mouth.

935

:

I want to feed her.

936

:

This is thrilling.

937

:

Dan 1: right.

938

:

podcast going?

939

:

Tilly: Great.

940

:

my idea.

941

:

Sketchy!

942

:

Dan 1: It was, and I did the work for it.

943

:

Tilly: That's how it goes.

944

:

Dan 1: I know, it's not frustrating at all

945

:

Tilly: Pass the haggle there.

946

:

Dan 1: Go on, do your

intro for the shit chat.

947

:

Tilly: All the followers.

948

:

?

Dan 1: Oh, this good.

949

:

During one of the night feeds

last changes of week two.

950

:

Stop me if I have done this one.

951

:

Peak sleep deprivation.

952

:

Opened the diaper that

was just a pee diaper.

953

:

Lifted her butt to change it.

954

:

Liquid baby poo rocketed out her butt and

sprayed all my face, clothes and hair.

955

:

A bassinet.

956

:

I knew had about enough sleep or shower

before she woke in after feeding.

957

:

I was so that I did my

958

:

best a baby wipe and slept for

45 minutes covered in baby shit.

959

:

My

960

:

My woke up

961

:

with a turmeric colored

afternoon off in the the morning.

962

:

Tilly: No judgement here.

963

:

I once met a guy, who on holiday,

no, he shagged a girl, I think it

964

:

might have been his girlfriend.

965

:

He then did a little poo in the

bed, while he was asleep, like

966

:

a little poo in the middle.

967

:

And they're both so drunk or tired that

they decided they'd just sleep around

968

:

his poo in the middle of the bed.

969

:

That was a full grown person poo.

970

:

Poo's not that bad.

971

:

Dan 1: Okay, well, I'm a caring parent but

972

:

could set up

973

:

a like, camelback

974

:

that I could set up

975

:

a a like camelback or hamster

976

:

Tilly: mean?

977

:

Dan 1: feed thing with milk for

her while I'm looking after her

978

:

Tilly: was

979

:

Dan 1: because it's really

like a not that engaged job.

980

:

.

And then, it's, you kind of have to stop every 30 seconds and

981

:

leave her to break for a minute.

982

:

So there's a lot of like, lost time.

983

:

And I'm in the middle

of doing work and stuff.

984

:

You know what I'm like, I like, you know,

I like to just do one thing, complete

985

:

it, do the next thing, complete it.

986

:

and switch

987

:

so that, that irritates me

that I can't just put a little

988

:

Camelback on a full of

milk and just have a

989

:

it through

990

:

suck it through there.

991

:

You got any?

992

:

I'm a caring parent, but

I know I love my crop.

993

:

Tilly: of my mum's, I need to get my own

994

:

home

995

:

Dan 1: you go, I'm a caring parent but

I'm annoyed that I've lost the ability to

996

:

wear flip flops since I've had a child.

997

:

Is that yours?

998

:

Tilly: having crocs

999

:

Dan 1: fuuuun.

:

00:36:43,597 --> 00:36:49,364

Tilly: wear flip flops anymore.

:

00:36:49,483 --> 00:36:50,446

fall over when I wore them.

:

00:36:50,552 --> 00:36:51,381

It's all

:

00:36:51,381 --> 00:36:52,624

over, fell over.

:

00:36:52,624 --> 00:36:53,452

Poor English.

:

00:36:53,452 --> 00:36:53,867

I

:

00:36:53,867 --> 00:36:56,353

ripped a hole in my trousers.

:

00:36:56,353 --> 00:36:58,010

Fucked up my knee.

:

00:36:58,010 --> 00:36:58,425

She

:

00:36:58,589 --> 00:36:59,439

Dan 1: saved the baby.

:

00:36:59,668 --> 00:37:00,082

Tilly: it.

:

00:37:00,082 --> 00:37:01,325

I don't know

:

00:37:01,325 --> 00:37:02,154

what happened.

:

00:37:02,154 --> 00:37:03,811

She just watched me.

:

00:37:03,811 --> 00:37:05,054

Didn't do anything.

:

00:37:05,377 --> 00:37:08,315

Dan 1: People just, everything's

so self represented now,

:

00:37:08,369 --> 00:37:09,612

Tilly: young, absorbed person.

:

00:37:09,612 --> 00:37:10,855

I was just

:

00:37:10,976 --> 00:37:11,361

Dan 1: over.

:

00:37:11,361 --> 00:37:14,821

She's She probably just

looks like a meth head.

:

00:37:14,863 --> 00:37:17,363

Tilly: I love sitting on a damp

floor with a baby in my arms.

:

00:37:17,512 --> 00:37:19,050

Dan 1: have to please vote.

:

00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:21,463

Tilly: I don't really look very messy.

:

00:37:23,238 --> 00:37:24,913

I'd have to lose a lot of

weight, I think, to look messy.

:

00:37:25,350 --> 00:37:26,388

Dan 1: You've got too many

teeth as well, you do.

:

00:37:26,388 --> 00:37:30,600

Alrighty, well, we'll leave it there.

:

00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:31,975

Bye.

:

00:37:32,325 --> 00:37:32,913

Goodbye now, bye

:

00:37:33,331 --> 00:37:34,556

Tilly: I think there's potatoes.

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Show artwork for Blabbering: Babies!
Blabbering: Babies!
A week by week glimpse into a couple stumbling through starting parenthood

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